The 5 Love Languages


Dr. Chapman drew upon 35+ years of pastoring and marriage counseling experience in the creation of this book, which has sold over 11 million copies. In it, Dr. Chapman explains there are five distinct ways each of us feels and expresses love.

  1. Words of Affirmation. These are words of appreciation like compliments. They express encouragement, support, kindness, and humility. Choosing to use words of affirmation in a relationship can be very powerful.
  2. Quality Time. This is about spending time giving each other undivided attention. It takes the form of focused attention in a conversation or activity. It’s important to make an effort to learn how to have an appropriately quality conversation.
  3. Receiving Gifts. Gifts are visual reminders or symbols of love and take many forms. They can be purchased, made, or found. A gift can also be a physical presence in a time of crisis.
  4. Acts of Service. This entails doing things for each other. It can consist of simple things like washing the dishes, vacuuming, mowing the lawn, or making breakfast.
  5. Physical Touch. This is holding hands, hugging, a foot massage, giving back rubs, or giving gifts that have kinesthetic value like high thread count sheets or a particular type of clothing.

Once a couple learns what each other’s primary love language is, a deep and meaningful relationship becomes possible. Dr. Chapman draws upon many examples from his practice, where he healed and brought back marriages that were almost past the point of no return. The book emphasizes that love is a choice. Both individuals in a relationship have to choose to love one another and to work with each other’s love languages. Dr. Chapman also points out how these languages pinpoint our vulnerabilities and how, if abused, not recognized, or ignored, they can really hurt us.

Additionally, he extensively discusses the honeymoon period of a relationship. The “in love” phase wears off after about two years for a couple, and they move to the “emotional need” phase.

The book contains many exercises for a couple to discover each other’s love languages. This includes ways to address those languages once they are learned.

50 Dates at 50 Take:

Personally speaking, this book was a real eye-opener. I read it a couple of years after I was divorced. Had I been privy to the knowledge in the book, I would have approached things much differently in my marriage. I’m so impressed with the material in this book that I have purchased many copies as gifts.

Why You Need To Read It:

A must-read for any man or woman who is in a relationship or eventually looking for one, not only will this book radically upgrade any romantic relationship, it will work wonders in relationships with family members, friends, coworkers, and other acquaintances. This book gives you the tools to not only connect but to keep things at a high level of connection. Be aware though; the trick is finding that special one who also is willing to put in the effort.

6-12-2020 by Paul Nelson

Year Published:  1992  

Author:  Dr. Gary Chapman

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